less than 8 weeks away

I am real close to being married. What does that do to me? It makes me scared and excited. I have never felt like life was so real. Up till now life is kind of, well if this doesnt work i will try that, or it doesnt matter to much if i do this or that. now it all counts. Life counts. thats all for now.

Enjoying a scotch and a pipe

I recently went to Fados Irish pub to participate in some good old fashion smoking, with a scotch on the rocks and a bit of chips(potato wedges, Irish you know they use different words) but the experience was marred by a waitress who without reason avoided us and visibly favored others. Even though she did nothing "wrong" her lack of interaction made our time irritable. We think it was the fact that we did not drink the waters she gave us, or we picked the table that makes us bad people. Anyway the scotch was good as was the pipe and the company. I wish that I could do that more. Just sit and enjoy people and scotch and my pipe. Every other week or so. I have always wanted to be a "regular" for some odd reason. The only place I am a "regular" is my wendys, and my regular drink is "water, on the rocks".

Got to do something

I need to thank all who have recommended blue like jazz. I have had an awakening of the realness that is God. Lately with all the busyness God has been like my parents. I talk to them once a week, and they help me when they can, they have really influenced my life, but now they don't have much to do with what I do. The past couple of days I have been getting acquainted with God again. Its all been coffee and books and bagels, with music. The sound of ceramic ringing on the glass turntable, the two beeps for 60 seconds of microwaves speeding up the molecules in my coffee so that day after coffee will be enjoyable. The music of mars Volta newly burned from Tim. Wood floors, clean sweatshirt, books, these are what have jump started my relationship with Jesus.

76 days left

ok i have told myself not to count days but i just cant help myself. I am really excited about being married and being done with wedding planning. I sucks that such a wonderful day is fouled up by so many stresses of planning it. I mean if there was some way get married to the same person more than once then you wouldnt have to plan for just one perfect day of your life it would be like doing a big celebration every year. it would make the first one as crazy cause if something didnt work out you could do it the next time.

anyway i really am excited to be married, i wish i didnt count days but...I am just excited.

Life is for losing

Well we can never win, it seems that what ever we do we always lose. Earth is the closest i want to be to hell cause this sucks. Lets say you are me. You live so close to your love of your life you can walk to her house in your pajamas. You are getting married in three months, you move up in your job and dont have to serve tables anymore. things seem to be going good, but its easy to skrew it up, the past couple weeks you have worked like crazy, you are half awake, you cant remember if you dreams things or if they really happened, or if you saw it on TV. Jen goes away for vacation and you lose all reasoning, not calling means she is dead or married to a chippindale. When she gets back you manage to be a jack ass even though you missed her so much. And now what you have to look foward to is a crazy couple of months and being worried about money and whether or not you will make it out with out killing someone. oh and dont forget to not include time to worry about anything, ahhh ahhh ahhh ahh ahhhh ahhh ahhh ahhh. I am freakin out life just seems to be falling apart. my soundtrack is rage against the machine.

Now I never meant,
To do you wrong,
That’s what I came here to say.

But if I was wrong,
Then I’m sorry,
I don’t let it stand in our way.

As my head just aches,
When I think of,
The things that I shouldn’t have done.

But, life is for living,
We all know,
And I don’t wanna live it alone.

Sing,
Ah, ah, oh,
Sing,
Ah, ah, oh,
And just think,
Ah, ah, oh.
_coldplay

coldplay

I found this website that has some of the lyrics from the single coldplay is releaseing on may 23, I dont know how they got them but its good.
http://www.coldplaying.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=Sections&file=index&req=viewarticle&artid=299&page=1

am i normal

You Are 35% Normal (Occasionally Normal)

You sure do march to your own beat... But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all You think on a totally different wavelength And it's often a chore to get people to understand you

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/hownormalareyouquiz/">How Normal Are You?

my absence as a person

Well I just read my comments from my last blog and i realized how much i dont see anyone i dont work with or go to school with. I got to see jed and brian this week but other than that, nothing. My scheldule is so busy right now. I have so many tasks that need to be finished. I talked to my dad yesterday and he reminded me of a obvious truth...THIS IS NOT HEAVEN. bold and edgy. yes i am not in heaven this is not like heaven and will not turn into heaven by working harder and wiating longer. This life is work. I must not get confused and frustrated that "God seems to have it out for me" (I don't think that most of the time), but i need to think why do i try to make this life heaven, why don't i wait for heaven and not pretend it is someting it isnt.

Well my explination is this. I am impatient. I want the good to come and because i cant make God grant my every wish like a genie in a bottle, I use my own abilitys to be my own God. Which very quickly falls apart and The cycle continues until I can get over the fact that 100% of the time i need God.

By the way i miss all of you guys and sooner than we expect eternity in heaven will come.

The story of a blessing

I went to NM half expecting to get a jeep from my uncle half expecting to buy a bus ticket home. Turns out the jeep I expected to buy was not in "working" order. Longstory short...I drove home in a 94 Jeep grand cherokee. It is the nicest car i have ever owned and newest at that. I thought of getting a special license plate, "nomrhnda". All weekend I was reminded of the values of family. they celebrated in my future wedding with gifts and service. I hope i can do as good as a job as my parents and grandparents with family.

also one more thought. I have stressed out about the money i spent on my licence. Thinking I spent all the money for nothing. now i think i realize the money was not for the licence but for the dream to come true.

The era of the honda is coming to an end

2 more days and I will be stepping into my mystery transportation. I am buying a car from my uncle. I know its a 92' jeep...and it runs "fine". I hope fine means runs well enough to get jen and i from NM to OH.

I have been overwelmed this weekend by my relationship with Jen. I just think how? How did I get so lucky to meet and fall in love with jen, and the kicker is she fell in love with me too. I am crazy about her. I can't help it.
And I could go on with all the cool other things about her but I will just say this...Our lives as humans are stained with our past and future. we make mistakes that to honestly display them makes us cringe. with all that God seems to look upon us and Give us mountains, poetry, art, beaches, the warmth of the sun, the renewing of the snow, the freshness of rain. He has given us life that is worth living, because he doesnt see our past and future as we see it, which i cant explain how he sees it i just know he sees us as princes and princesses in his amazing kingdom.

now back to jen and me, she sees me as a prince and i see her as a princess. that is truly God physical display of his love for us.

I am afriad to reread this, it probably makes to sense at all.

bytheway use my Google search, I have already earned $1.75 this month

I would name it the Mighty One, like the movie. Bike fever, I want to ride man. 

Has anyone ever seen the motorcycle diarys. It an amazing beautiful movie. Inspiring everyone to buy a bike and tour the unknown country. Really that movie and the book My side of the mountain make me want to explore, luckly Jen and I get to drive my new vehicle across the country in a week from sunday. New mexico to Ohio. We get to see the southwest the midwest, half the world pretty much. I cant wait to get away from the wet cold for a while.

5 hours of Silence

My experiment needed to be conducted somewhere I could be entirely alone. the onlyplace i could think of was a Park or something, I ended up going to SharonWoods. I spent the first hour and a half out side. sitting, snaking on some bread and water. I was just too distracted be the cold to let my mind quiet itself. I walked around a bit, then sat in my car. which interesting enough was a quiet and comfortable place, to spend the next 3 hours.
I kept fonding myself wanting to ask God for things, and pursue issues. I tried to just allow my thoughts to go to Him. Giving my request and worrys a rest and allow God to wisper to me what he wanted me to hear.
The time i spent was different...I didnt get any revelations or hear any thunderus Voice of God, I think what I learned was I cant have a relationship with God if I am always talking and I need to trust God with my life, I think by praying I get a false sense that I am helping the situation. its like i start thinking well now I havent left it entirely in Gods hands, cause I had a part by praying.
I guess really my time was...fun. Me and God had fun. we didnt do anything, just had fun.

Solitude

Today I will experiment for a couple of hours. I will go be completely alone. I will deprive myself from inputs. No bible, no music, no books, no voices. I am bringing my journal to write down any thought that God will hopefully give me.

also, has anybody ever read the book My Side of the Mountain. Its amazing. I read it cover to cover last night. So good.

I have found an amazing web site. FrugalReader.com check it out.

two worlds in one

The devils greatest trick is convincing the world he doesnt exist.
More thoughts to come...

So I in a coffee shop, Comfortable, quiet, clean,...and because of a coupon, cheap. The sun shines on finely kept grass, clean roads, and new appealing buildings. people walk in and are greated with smiles, music in the backround calms your mind. thoughts are lost in coffee and goodness radiates from all directions wether phony or not. ON the other side of reality...Lives are being torn apart because of selfish actions, lies, lust. We cry and fight and get angry, with the direction we are on but do nothing to change that direction. this is the reality we hide with coffee shops and noise, wether audible or visual, or functions to distract. nobody goes to see the problems, we want to see the lie. A lie has always been an easy person to introduce, never to get to know.

Tired of this

Well I did it again. I started a new blog, I lost the address to my others so we will see how this goes.

Wow last night was an eye opener. I know that people can have a lot of crap go on in their life but last night I got a personal contact with it. The Pub. My friends going through relationship complications, that I don't cant understand, I don't think they understand. I seems to me that they are stuck in a relationship rut and just wont get out.

yeah I need reminders of that...If I didn't I would forget that life exist out side of my little world of engagement,school, money and friends.