Life is for losing

Well we can never win, it seems that what ever we do we always lose. Earth is the closest i want to be to hell cause this sucks. Lets say you are me. You live so close to your love of your life you can walk to her house in your pajamas. You are getting married in three months, you move up in your job and dont have to serve tables anymore. things seem to be going good, but its easy to skrew it up, the past couple weeks you have worked like crazy, you are half awake, you cant remember if you dreams things or if they really happened, or if you saw it on TV. Jen goes away for vacation and you lose all reasoning, not calling means she is dead or married to a chippindale. When she gets back you manage to be a jack ass even though you missed her so much. And now what you have to look foward to is a crazy couple of months and being worried about money and whether or not you will make it out with out killing someone. oh and dont forget to not include time to worry about anything, ahhh ahhh ahhh ahh ahhhh ahhh ahhh ahhh. I am freakin out life just seems to be falling apart. my soundtrack is rage against the machine.

Now I never meant,
To do you wrong,
That’s what I came here to say.

But if I was wrong,
Then I’m sorry,
I don’t let it stand in our way.

As my head just aches,
When I think of,
The things that I shouldn’t have done.

But, life is for living,
We all know,
And I don’t wanna live it alone.

Sing,
Ah, ah, oh,
Sing,
Ah, ah, oh,
And just think,
Ah, ah, oh.
_coldplay

coldplay

I found this website that has some of the lyrics from the single coldplay is releaseing on may 23, I dont know how they got them but its good.
http://www.coldplaying.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=Sections&file=index&req=viewarticle&artid=299&page=1

am i normal

You Are 35% Normal (Occasionally Normal)

You sure do march to your own beat... But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all You think on a totally different wavelength And it's often a chore to get people to understand you

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/hownormalareyouquiz/">How Normal Are You?

my absence as a person

Well I just read my comments from my last blog and i realized how much i dont see anyone i dont work with or go to school with. I got to see jed and brian this week but other than that, nothing. My scheldule is so busy right now. I have so many tasks that need to be finished. I talked to my dad yesterday and he reminded me of a obvious truth...THIS IS NOT HEAVEN. bold and edgy. yes i am not in heaven this is not like heaven and will not turn into heaven by working harder and wiating longer. This life is work. I must not get confused and frustrated that "God seems to have it out for me" (I don't think that most of the time), but i need to think why do i try to make this life heaven, why don't i wait for heaven and not pretend it is someting it isnt.

Well my explination is this. I am impatient. I want the good to come and because i cant make God grant my every wish like a genie in a bottle, I use my own abilitys to be my own God. Which very quickly falls apart and The cycle continues until I can get over the fact that 100% of the time i need God.

By the way i miss all of you guys and sooner than we expect eternity in heaven will come.